Brawndo Commercial #1

If you haven't seen Idiocracy, the movie from Mike Judge that predicts America's ebbing intellectual future, you need to watch it. This movie sports a new energy drink called Brawndo - The Thirst Mutilator I have been looking all over the interwebs (sic) trying to find the transcipts of the commercials for this powerful energy drink of the future, and alas have come up dry. So instead, I will transcribe these three commercials myself, for your pleasure...

1st Commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbxq0IDqD04

Transcript of Commercial #1: (said without taking a single breath)

"Brawndo - The Thrist Mutilator: It's like a monster truck you can pour into your face! It's got Electrolytes! What are Electrolytes? I don't know but they're extremely awesome! Brawndo is full of them, and they help plants grow! Which is why you should drink Brawndo and not water because water is from the toilet, and I've never seen plants grow out of the toilet! It's got caffeine - super extra caffeine! And five kinds of sugar! Which makes it delicious! And much better than other energy drinks which are not delicious! Drinking it will make you wonder why you've never crushed a human skull with your bare hands! But you won't have to because you'll already know that Brawndo tastes how that would feel! Which is like having sex with a tractor trailer in a parking lot... rrrrggggghhhhhhhhhh! I just split my pants like The Incredible Hulk! See that? Brawndo will make you need new pants! And while you're out buying new pants you should buy some new shoes, because you're going to wear out your shoes from kicking everyone's ass all the time! Brawndo will make you want to kick everyone's ass all the time! Which might be good or bad but either way you're gonna win because Brawndo will make you win at things you're not even supposed to win at! Like yelling! Brawndo will make you win at yelling! Or maybe instead of Yelling something else like jumping or waving! Because you'll be able to wave your hands really fast and you'll probably become invisible which doesn't even make any sense! But if that doesn't happen you'll probably just end up running somewhere! Which is good if you like running, but even if you don't Brawndo will make you win at exercise!"